Deche's memoirs

  अस्तित्व, an interesting word that means existence.  Of late I have been losing it. Non existent! It’s an amazing idea - being non-existent.

Of side effects and collateral damages, We’ve all been caught up in these ages, In a moment we want to let go of all we have, In the next we crave for the things we don’t have,  😂 Fixed up fixed them fixed us, Commotions with unwanted fuss, A pain here and an ache there, Expecting me to be where I were  😝 , The music  🎶  blasts loud and clear, Blaring OH NOs! and jarring  😨  fear, A day on town is what one would  😬  dread, Alone in the crowd as I prefer to tread! Open pages of truth lay on my tables, On my iPhone 10 Tabs and many fables,  Yet I drown in foolish innocence, Forgetting my silly ignorance  😝 , Still I sit here and type…  … doused with a million thoughts!  🤪

If you haven’t been at war, You’d have no scar, How many have you got? From all that you’ve fought! I got me a lot of few, That’s how I just grew, The face you see has battled, So don’t look so baffled, The hands wearing swollen joints, Reveal caring daring points, The cracks on my heels, Tells of despaired wheels, Insomnia designed eye bags, Isn’t a sign of weird hags, Every breath sings a tale, Of faraway thoughts and sail, How a stranger so strange, Would help me Rearrange, My deranged perspective, Of being objectively subjective, But we’re good in the end, For by then we all bend, Of lesser units called elements, We are but fragments and figments!!!

I  remember it was a Wednesday. We had just returned from the hospital. My Mom wasn’t too well. We helped her out of the car and carried her to her room. Apparently, we had left her slippers outside the car as we were carrying her. Then you walked in, lifting the curtain, with her slippers in your hand..., ‘Annay gi chappal’ (gramma’s slippers). I still remember how you had slipped the pair of slippers on your little thumb and the four little fingers.  We had forgotten you at the car too. With the slippers. You climbed up the stairs, with the slippers to her room.  For that ‘thank you’! The other day when the men were playing darts, they said you had to be sixteen or older to play the game. I asked you how old you were and you said eleventeen! I could see you were more than eleventeen! You are an old humorous soul. For making me smile even in my angriest moments... thank you! Here’s to many more eleventeen birthdays to come.  I love you.  Always and forever! 💗?...

 When the waiting’s done, And the shouting ceased, When everyone has gone, Even the dearly deceased, When you’ve become me, And I’ve become just you, Will only then we’ll be free, Of wrath, lust, greed or envy!

  https://kuenselonline.com/six-year-old-beaten-by-a-teacher/ To BEat or NOT to beat! Right understanding is perhaps what we need.  This Kuensel article did not surprise me at all. Now that the focus is on the emphasis to bring back discipline and quality education, everyone is “working” on it. The child did not know, that is why she was beaten. If she knew she wouldn’t have to come to school at all.  I know the despair of the teachers when a policy regarding corporal punishment came out. ‘No beating’ or ‘man handling’ any child! Most of us were like ‘now we can’t beat them, so to hell with everything’. We became aggressively defensive. We felt children would never learn without being hit and that it was our birth right to hit! Little did we reflect (as we are trained to) and understand why we mustn’t hit anyone. Nor did we look for alternatives to address issues of discipline or learning. I remember my primary school Principal who wouldn’t tolerate teachers who would hit...

A feeble attempt I have made, To tell the world your humble tale, Many like me won't let you fade, For you gave forever without fail... 🙏🙏🏼🙏🏼

My 13 year old once asked me, ‘Mom. What is it that makes a happy man sad and a sad man happy?’... 😏 I reacted with a ‘I don’t know! Whatever!’... I went to work and in the evening I tried to respond to his question...‘Impermanence?’ He smiled and said, “That’s what Dad said.” 😒 Then I asked him what it was, and he smiled and said, “This too shall pass!” And till date I’ve found comfort in it. Every time there’s some tough times, we say to each other ‘this shall pass’ and in happy times we remind ourselves that ‘this too shall pass’... Sat Chit Ananda 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

an evening on the stairs, mused by scented candles, rekindling your melodic flairs, aghast at comical love handles, gazes with Grant’s doubts, legs failing graceful trots, half-witted half-filled pouts, nothing more than clots, still pulling through hell, there’s no stopping here, as tolls a loud little bell, so, bring a beer to cheer, let’s hear floyd’s story, lost souls and fish bowls, let’s feel back the glory, twist of fate with holes, sing of dogs and bones, immaculate conceptions, miracles, eyes set in stones, ironic times and deceptions,  a moment of a stolen kiss, the calm before a storm, but then it’s such a bliss, all about the feel so warm, a smirk, a grin and a smile, come on home turn me on, it sure has been a long while, let’s not leave this forlorn, let’s go hitchin’ a ride, living easy, living free, let’s just let it all slide, come back to life with glee, let’s paint th...

The earth reflects the sky The white pure and blue Whilst we stranded lay In a vast obscure play Yellow green sprouts All without any doubts Whilst we remain stout With a reflective pout

It’s my story to tell,  Whisper it or yell, I saved the day, Dragons tame or slay! I walked the mile, I wore the smile, I bore the cross, I gathered the moss! Stood in the rain, As it washed my pain, Basked in the Sun, Though tans no fun! I felt every hate, I accepted my Fate, I fought very hard, But mostly off guard! Some wins and some losses, It’s flipping coin tosses, The lows and highs, Wavelengths flies! It’s an epical mythology, I’m my own theology,  Unconditional heroine, Preconditioned with a grin! A fanciful super hero, Born of a ghetto, Slashing and sassy, A wonder so classy! Thus, singing my tale, Drinking it like ale, I stand tall, Getting up at each fall! Amazing indeed to note, It’s always our quote, We are the Protagonist, As I remain the antagonist!!! (the world revolves around me attitude...) 

Old paths and white clouds A gentle river meanders by Far from maddening crowds as we touch the blue sky Lush fields of green gold Scent of a bountiful earth A beautiful feeling so old Nothing nor sight of dearth Thus have I heard of it all Indeed quite a blessed quiet High, but not afraid to fall Keeping off of all the riot 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Not so long ago, in a Chicken Soup for the Soul series, I read about a man who holds a handful of peanuts and looks at his wife and says, ‘I wish theses were emeralds’. Many years pass as he practically spends all his time working his @55 off and making tons of money and gathering so much wealth without even time for himself. His wife is on her deathbed and he holds a handful of emeralds and says, ‘I wish these were peanuts’. End of story. Today, I hold a handful of jelly beans and say, ‘I wish these jelly beans are jelly beans even after many years'. 😋🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Downside up or upside down, My mind is without a frown. I think just straight and smile, Knowing it's just another mile. This too shall pass he says, As my hands he holds and sways. You were so little just a bit ago, Now you taking care of my ego. You leading me to thoughts deep, Stuff that always calm my sleep. Thank you my precious ❤️

Don’t know when I stopped looking, Don’t know why it all came to a halt, The journeying that was my passion, Travels near and far and all around, When did I bring down my sails? When did I stop listening to tales? The promise of travels far and wide, Why this standstill letting it all slide! (Lines from - Whinings of a deranged soul 🤣🤣🤣 15/March/2017)

'Define loneliness', someone asked. 'Waiting outside a court room when your parents are getting a divorce inside', said the 6 year old. It broke my heart when I read it many years ago. It's otherwise for me today as I attempt to redefine it. It's waiting for “life to happen when I’m busy making other plans 😋” (Lennon 💕).

A butterfly fly, A cuppa chai, Feet up in air, Life seems fair, Breath in green, A pink so pristine, The nectar sweet, Hear birds tweet, Scent of flowers, Don't think for hours!!

Someone put it down well, Life when young is swell, You haven't got a penny, Energy and time's a plenty. Then you reach a stage, You don't think about age, The power and the money, No time and with no funny. So as you slow down a bit, With your diminishing wit, You hang on wishing hard, All you got is a time bard. But for me it's different, I got dues and pay rent, I have it all - energy money time, I have to choose and just rhyme!

The sun in my eyes, Far from all lies, Songs lined in love, Blessing from above. As the wheels roll on, Music soothes my soul, The bluish white sky, Offer wings to fly. The rhythm just rhymes, With my life so sublime, Like prayers and hymns, Drown fancies and whims. As the engine roars, Escaping all bores, Leave behind spite, Enters me into the quiet! (I'm in love with my carrrr... )

A shoe here, A slipper there, Chucked without a care, Little feet so bare. Clothes all so torn, Back, Front, all gone, Pain is not a feel, Little knees of steel. Tears on homework, Finds joy in the park, Wishing his hide and seek, Would last him all week. Sun in his eyes, Learning to be wise, Tired he lies to sleep, Happiness found in heap! 27 th March, 2019